If you've had the experience of moving, you know it can be, and more often than not it is a very stressful time. Moving tries every aspect of your character, and it can be equally, or more taxing on a marriage as well. I wish I could say that I exhibited patience, and angelic qualities, but I did not. I was stressed, felt under pressure, was overwhelmed, and at times, down right ugly. I have chosen to be candid with my experience. I hope others can learn from my mistakes...
|I was like this bird...my face was not a happy face...|
1. Moving is a big job...bigger than you think.
I consider myself to be fairly organized, and my home as well. I always told my kids that everything has a place...and to put things where they are supposed to go. In its place. All of our stuff was in its place...all over the place.... on bookshelves, stuffed in closets, drawers, on walls, and in the yard. Over the course of our 34 years of marriage, we have accumulated lots of stuff... I hadn't realized how much stuff until we had to sort through all of it to decide what was valuable enough to take with us.
|Moving is no fun...|
2. It is overwhelming, but don't let it overwhelm you.
|This is too hard...|
|Oh Gee...where did all this stuff come from...|
3. Wishing it would all go away, isn't going to make it go away...
4. Friends and family make everything better...
My friend, Deborah, came from Carlsbad to help me with my worse rooms: my craft and sewing rooms. She kept reminding me to stay focused, and we would get it done... Besides two are better than one...
|Two is better...really it is...|
...and we could visit, and have a good time while going through all my stuff...
|And we did have fun...and we stayed focused...and we got our goal accomplished.|
Two of my boys came to help us load the truck. Zach must be good at puzzles, because he looked at our boxes and would announce,"that one needs to go here!" Muscle for loading was provided by Ian, and Warren. I just had to bring boxes to the garage. In no time at all, the truck was loaded, efficiently packed, and tied down. It was time to celebrate...and play.
5. Expect the unexpected.
I thought the worst was behind us, but it was not...I was blindsided. When we had traveled the first 500 miles, we stopped for the night. I asked Warren where my backpack was, and he told me in the SUV. I looked...I couldn't find it. He looked, and couldn't find it. We had left it in our master closet. It had my iPad and other treasures of mine. I was mad at Warren for not packing it.
(Note: That morning I had a dentist appointment to pick up a night guard. I had walked to the dentist's office so he could pack the remaining things in the SUV. My backpack was not there, hence I blamed him. There was a lot of tension between us that night. This leads me to my next point...
(Note: I called the auction people who found my backpack and mailed it to me)
6. Moving is hard on your marriage.
It is an understatement to say men and women are different. Not only are they physically different; we think differently, and we react differently emotionally. What Warren thought was important, I did not, and vice versa. Hence, there were disagreements about what to pack, and take. Our communication was heated, and not always kind. I felt like our life was a disaster... resembling a pile of rubble, because one negative thing led to another, until we had a mess. Leaving my backpack was one more thing to add to our growing pile of rubble. Can I say that I was pretty ugly to Warren.
Warren and I traveled in separate vehicles. It allowed me some alone time with God where I discussed everything with Him. God helped me to see that our stuff was just that, stuff. Was I making my stuff an idol? I was letting it rob me of my joy that I shared with my husband. I knew at the next stop, I had to repent, and ask his forgiveness for being so ugly to him. The song, "Just Breathe," by Johnny Diaz became my theme song.
I wish I could say that this is the end of my lessons, but it is not. I had my hardest and most important lessons to learn yet.
8. Listen when prompted.
I missed the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Twice. When I was getting ready to go to the dentist, the last thing I did before walking out the door was to put on my wedding band, and a turquoise ring Warren had given me before we got married. I could not get them on probably because I had eaten Mexican food the night before, including chips. I could only surmise that salt was the cause of my swollen fingers. I put them in a box that was on our bathroom counter thinking "that I would find them when I unpacked when we got to NC." In my spirit, I remember thinking I shouldn't do that, and I should put them in my purse. I reasoned that I would find them...all I had to do was unpack. This was my first prompting that I ignored.
When I got home from the dentist, the things Warren was supposed to have packed in the SUV were still where they were...he had not packed. I was miffed. I was put out. I was mad. I walked to the dentist, so he could pack the SUV. It was not packed. I was to realize later that he had been taking care of some things that needed to be done around the pool, but I did not find that out until 2 days later. Together, we loaded the SUV, with a lot of tension between us. I asked Warren if he'd done a walk though the house to make sure we got everything. He did not answer. We didn't do a walk through. I was prompted that we should do a walk through. Neither of us was dealing with each other very well. No walk through was done. We just left. This was the second prompting that I ignored. I should have listened to my promptings.
9. Own your mistakes...
We unpacked all our boxes. I did not find my rings. Did we leave the box I put them in? We don't know, but it seems highly possible. If so, they were probably sold in the estate sale. I'd like to say things were smooth sailing once we got everything unpacked, and organized, but it was not. It seemed like the smallest thing could and would set us off. Things were still pretty tense . I pray when I walk by myself. It was interesting that my hiking friends happened to be busy during this time I was having with Warren. Hard times, that's when God gets through hard heads like mine. I had to walk by myself, and it was during this time that God "spanked" me. He reminded me of His promptings, which I ignored. He reminded me that my backpack, and my rings were mine, and ultimately my responsibility, not Warren's. Again, I had to go to Warren to confess, and repent. He was so sweet, and we were able to talk things out, and now things are good, and right. And while I am sad that the consequences of my not listening to God cost me losing something that was sentimental to me, it is not the end of the world. And Warren has plans to remedy the loss, even though it was my fault. I will have to wait and see exactly what that will be...
|sweet, and fragrant...|
On Wednesday mornings Warren attends a men's Bible study. This week, he texted me to let me know, he had not fed the cat. Would I please feed Maggie? (Note: he's the first one up, so he feeds the cat.)
|"Where's my food?"|
He deserves a castle...