When I broke my ankle in 3 places along with dislocated it on Oct. 3, 2017, I never dreamed recovery and rehab would be so hard or long. Nor have I experienced such tremendous pain as I have had with this ankle. Nor did I expect such depression. I have had broken bones in the past (wrist) which healed in 6 weeks. I thought this would be the same experience. My life changed drastically on that day.
When I visited the orthopedist the day after my accident, I was told I would have to have surgery, be put in a splint for 2 weeks, then in a CAM boot. This didn't seem like it was going to be bad at all or very long. Little did I know what was ahead for me.
Warning: some photos not suitable for small children.
Here's photos from the accident. I fell while going down a hill. Arms loaded with weights and a mat. My foot slipped on the dewy grass.
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| my leg was sideways |
My x-ray before:
X-ray after the dislocated bone was pulled back into place. I cannot read x-rays, but apparently there are 3 breaks in the tibia, and fibula. My break is called a trimalleolar fracture with a dislocation.
Two weeks after surgery I got the splint off, and some of the stitches out...
See how my calf as atrophied?
Instead of one plate, I have 2 plates and 12 screws. The left side photo, and left side of the x-ray was where the bone was in pieces. (the shorter plate)
I wasn't allowed to bear weight on my foot for 8 weeks post surgery. That meant I was either sitting in bed or on the couch. This was not a time of just sitting. I was in a lot of pain. Like through the roof sort of pain. Excruciating pain. It was constant pain. Then came the depression, deep depression. Somedays were worse than others. I had to have a lot of talks with myself. One friend suggested I see about getting something for the depression from the doctor. For some, that may have been the way to healing. For me, I felt the Lord wanted me trust Him. I did not get anti-depressants. Here is what I felt and know: Our circumstances can change in the blink of an eye. Mine did. With that change came a choice. I could let it get me down, or I could embrace it, and allow myself to be changed and allow the Lord to work that change. I know God is good. He knows exactly how I felt, He saw my tears, my frustration, my depression. He allowed this. As much as I did not like it, maybe He had something He wanted to teach me through this experience.
Here's what I learned:
1. Friends and family are like a healing balm. They visited, brought food, made meals, cleaned my house, did my laundry, prayed for me, and sent me cards.
2. I learned to search the Word more diligently looking for ways that God might want me to change. I looked for what He was trying to say and teach to me.
3. I listened to praise music. The Bible tells me that God inhabits the praises of his people. What better way to have Him in my presence than through praise music. It truly lifted my soul.
The following lessons are from Alistair Begg's "Truth for Life" broadcast. (November 16)
4. Pain or sickness teaches us our nothingness. Our pain/sickness is out there for everyone to see...there is no hiding it. When we confront our pain/sickness in the middle of the night, or in front of the mirror (how awful I looked on some days), and in our loneliness, it is impossible for us to deny our uselessness, and our total helplessness. I certainly was useless and totally helpless. I must have looked pretty bad, even though I thought I looked sort of good. People tell me today that "I look so much better."
5. Pain/sickness forces us to cast all our cares on the Lord. We may or may not get better. While my hope is to be restored to full function, I may not be able to do all that I used to do. I must consider that even though I work toward totally recovery.
Charles Spurgeon says this is but a dress rehearsal for when our life's work will be ended.
"...the reigns drop from the driver's hands. The plowman forgets the furlough, the seed baskets hangs no longer on the sower's arm, and this experience cuts us loose from earthly shores, and provides us with a dress rehearsal when our life's work will be ended, and we will be no more."
6. Pain, if sanctified, creates tenderness towards others. I cannot tell you how many people called, or wrote me to encourage me because they had been through a similar circumstance. They were empathic and tender toward me. Their softness towards me greatly humbled me, and inspired me to keep on keeping on. And to be tender towards others in pain and sickness.
7. Pain may cause us to become all the more focused and diligent when we are favored... I saw the favor and blessing of the Lord on my life as He sent me friends, family, words, songs, movies, etc. that made me grateful to be so ever present in His mind, and thoughts. I am more grateful for little things. I see the little things that make life extra-ordinary. I don't take little things for granted.
Spurgeon, also, said, "The keys of men's hearts hang up in the narrow chamber of suffering."
What may have appeared as "wasted months" can be turned to something powerfully important in God's kingdom...Wasted months may turn out to be an economy of life if, in the years that God gives us, we are more earnest, more careful, more prayerful, more dependent upon God, or passionately committed to doing the work of the gospel more than when we went into the chamber and found the keys hanging on the hook.
I'd like to share a message a friend texted to me that touched my heart in so many good ways.
"The life circumstances that you are journeying through may appear to moving at a snail's pace, but remember that the snail always has contact with the path it is journeying upon. While traveling at sub-speed enjoy looking around and taking in God's creation from where you reside. There is no way, no matter how slow your pace that you can see, retain, and share all that you observe. It is like God's word, there is just too much to effectively communicate all that is before your eyes, but please try. Enjoy enlightening those around you with what God allows you to see."
I am now almost 16 weeks out from my accident. I would have liked to have been Wonder Woman and had my recovery go faster than it has, but obviously that is not the case. My mind wants me healed faster, but my body has a different plan. I am learning to be more patient with everything, and appreciate each milestone. I have to share one such milestone that is probably too much information. Nonetheless, it is an illustration of progress. After surgery, I had a pain pump attached to a tube that was inserted inside my leg to bathe the nerve endings with pain meds. The pump was outside my body in a pouch that was housed in a small sack looking much like a cross-body purse. The first day we were home, my hubby, was helping me in the bathroom. It was very complicated to get my pj's down, along with my underwear with all the tubing, pump, and strap. Finally, he said, "that's it, I have a solution for this." He got some scissors, and cut my underwear off. He said, you don't need these. I went around "commando" style of a couple of months. It was milestone when I could wear underwear again. ;)
My journey thus far:
November 30
I was allowed to start 25% weight bearing and gradually increase the weight put on my foot.
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| The cowboy boot allows my hips to be at the same level which helps me with an even gait instead of a limp. |
I started swimming as often as I could...
January 4, 2018. I was given an ankle brace, and told to start weaning off the CAM boot.
I could not wear any of my shoes with this ankle brace. I went shopping for shoes. These are what I found that work because they are cut low around the ankle.
January 18, 2018. I put the crutches away.
I am getting there, slowly but steadily. I could not have done it without my friends.
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| top left: Sharon gave me ice packs, socks, visits, and a meal. Top right: Sarah, cleaned my house, brought food, and had many visits. Bottom left: All these girls texted encouraging words, came to pick me up for coffee. Darlene, the one in the center wit the pink scarf also came with Sarah to clean my house, brought meals, and visited on many occasions. Bottom right: the lady in the blue sweater with the blonde hair brought yarn, knitting needles and taught me to knit. The lady with the red hair sent me cards, and daily texts and emails. She had a broken leg and knew exactly how I felt. Everyone of them prayed for me. I love them all dearly. |
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| This man did it all since I could not do anything. He was my nurse, cook, maid, laundry man, and a very good "wife." Most of all, I thank my God who sustained me and still sustains me. He is my life, and my all. I am nothing without Him. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. |
